Dear Readers,
I wrote this on December 28, 2021, as I was reflecting on the year that was.
2021 has been my toughest year. More on that in a future post, because I really want to document something that I randomly started doing a few days ago: positive self-talk.
It’s very common for us to criticize ourselves - from our smallest, subconscious daily choices to our life-altering decisions. We often blame ourselves for the things that go wrong, and play certain events over and over in our heads thinking what we could have done differently that might have altered our current reality.
But a few days ago, I found myself talking to myself about all the things that I achieved this year. Surprisingly enough, just like negative-self talk, this brought me to an upward spiral of looking back at all that I achieved in the past three years, when I started working for my current employer.
Before then, I was just another immigrant, person-of-color, mother who was struggling to find a job that stuck. I blamed everything - the system, the suburbs who didn’t think my extensive digital marketing experience doesn’t fit what they’re looking for (companies were so fixated with hiring journalism undergrads for digital content managers) and so on. Worst of all, I blamed myself. I had always berated myself for not making more time to look for more opportunities, even though I’ve been splitting my time between freelance work, motherhood and job hunting.
In 2017, a job at an award-winning marketing company that seemed so glittery from the outside turned out to be so toxic that I ended up at the ER just two weeks after I started. I had a major anxiety attack one Monday morning - partly because of having to deal with the obnoxious people in the company and partly because I was fighting that urge to quit since I was more than aware that my son, then a sophomore, was starting college very soon.
When the new year hit in 2018, I told myself that I would approach job hunting with a more tenacious method, but that I would also give myself grace. I was still doing freelance work. Implementing a similar alphabet schedule that my children’s schools followed, I had ABC days:
A - I worked
B - I job hunted
C - I took myself on dates
All while juggling the daily responsibilities of being a mom. Those, you can’t assign days for.
I prayed hard. The most important thing for me was college and insurance. I didn’t realize how bad the insurance plan my then-husband chose was until that trip to the ER; the children were insured through NJ Family Care - thank God!
So, I was very specific about what I prayed for as it pertains to landing a job:
To get paid enough to prepare for college
To get paid enough to become financially independent from my then-husband
To be able to take care of myself and the kids
To finally have benefits like (and I really, literally recited these when I prayed) medical, dental, vision and 401k
To have enough for travel, investment and savings
In February of that year, I had my first interview with the company that I am at now; but it wasn’t until late March that I completed the hiring process and was offered the job. I started in mid-April and my starting position was a huge step down from being Head of Digital Strategy to Digital Communications Manager (at this company, everyone is a manager). Make no mistake, the environment is less than perfect, but the benefits are great - exactly what I prayed for - so, I knew I had to be the cancer that I am with the tough exterior, particularly during office hours.
Fast forward to 2021 -
I have been promoted THREE times and negotiated my annual compensation every single time. I’m currently the Director of Digital Marketing and earning almost double my initial salary. In addition to the numbers, I made an impact in making one of the company’s biggest portfolio brands a diverse and inclusive organization, well before the socio-political awareness that millions of brands worldwide supported in 2020, without alienating the majority of our community’s demographic. They did, after all, establish the foundation, mission and vision of the organization whose frameworks I worked with to achieve those. These and more led to executive leadership recognizing my contributions and eventually outing the over-the-top BS that was my then-boss who took advantage of the fact that no one in the company understood digital marketing (which she has minimal knowledge herself until I came aboard) and who, took credit for every single thing I did to revolutionize our portfolio brands, executive thought leadership and the company as a whole. (She majored in journalism, btw.)
During this time, I was also able to replace my, IDK, third-hand 2001 Honda Accord that my then-husband bought for me with a Tesla Model 3 - all on my own. I got the designer purses I’ve always drooled on. My family and I traveled more, and got to do so many things that added culture to our lives. To be able to see things from a different lens and strengthen our empathetic nature are priceless.
We’ve always done small trips, often staying with friends and family, but my having my own stable income from a full-time job vs my cautious spending as a freelancer really changed the game.
My biggest achievement in these last three years is that I have, so far, been able to send my son to college without him having to take out loans. People have different takes on this, i.e. My mom paid for her own schooling, so she said I should, too, but having my child start off adulthood in debt isn’t what I dreamed for him.
I’m proud of myself. My wish is that I continue up this path of affirmation. It feels weird, but I could get used to this kind of weird.